


Handwritten | Reddie Soulmate AU

by kaspbrakbags



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Internalized Homophobia, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Past Abuse, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Teenage Losers Club (IT)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21621025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaspbrakbags/pseuds/kaspbrakbags
Summary: Once you turn 16, anything your soulmate writes on their arm (besides names), shows up on yours. Eddie Kaspbrak loves to doodle on his arm, and Richie Tozier finds it annoying. Richie then try’s to communicate with Eddie through his arm.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 24
Kudos: 175





	1. March 7

**Author's Note:**

> i really hope y’all enjoy this story, this is the first time i’ve written a story in a while, so sorry if it’s a little rusty :). i’ll try to update as much as i can. hope y’all enjoy it <3

TW/ F Slur/ Internalized Homophobia</p

The date was March 7, also known as Richie Toziers 16th birthday. He woke up to the smell of his mother making him pancakes. Richie wasn’t a fan of his mother’s cooking, but it’s the thought that counts. He rolled out of bed and got ready for school. He ran downstairs and was immediately showered with his mother’s kisses.  
“Okay mom, you can stop now” Richie says trying to push his mother away from his cheek.  
“Oh just because your sixteen now, doesn’t mean you’re to old for me” Maggie said as she started showering her son in kisses again . “I appreciate the gesture mom, but I better start eating if I’m gonna get to school on time” Richie said as he sat down and started eating his mothers god-awful pancakes. Richie would never admit this, but he always tells his mother that he loves her food, he doesn’t have the heart to tell her how fucking horrible it is. He knows how proud she is of her cooking, he doesn’t want to upset her, even if it’s the worst food he’s had his whole life.  
“Alright” Maggie said smiling, “Do you have any plans tonight for your birthday?”  
“I’m going to invite Bev and Stan over, if that’s okay with you?” Richie said trying his best to eat his mother’s pancakes.  
“Of course, it’s your birthday” Maggie said as she went to pat her son on the back  
“Rich, it’s looks like you better get going, or your gonna be late” Maggie said looking down at her watch.  
“Bye Mom” Richie said as he got up from his chair, trying to hide his excitement, and put his book bag on and started his walk to school.  
“Bye Rich” Maggie tried saying but Richie was already out the door.

Richie was ready to get his licenses, he dreaded this walk everyday. The only perk was that he got to see Eddie Kaspbrak on the way everyday. He didn’t know why he liked seeing him everyday, Richie never thought he was gay. In-fact, Richie hates gay people, he likes to call them the f and d slur. He doesn’t know why his heart beats a little faster every time he sees Eddie, why his stomach gets a little queasy, or why his hands get sweaty. Richie doesn’t even like Eddie, he calls him a f*g almost everyday. It never makes sense to Richie, why his favorite part of his day, revolves around him seeing a boy. Richie thinks about him from the entire time he passes the Kaspbrak house until he gets to school.  
“What the hell is wrong with me” Richie thought to himself everyday, hoping for an answer. Unfortunately, no matter how many times he thought it, it never came to him.


	2. The Arm Art

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW/ Homophobia

Richie made it to school. He walked in and was immediately greeted by his best friends, Bev and Stan. Richie wondered how he got so lucky to have best friends like them when he was such a horrible person.   
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY” Bev and Stan yelled in unison at Richie as he walked through the doors  
“Thanks fuckers” Richie said smiling at Stan   
“What the hell is this” Richie said as he opened a bag that Stan handed him  
“Breakfast, we figured your mom cooked you something this morning” Stan said sarcastically   
“Thanks” Richie laughed  
“We still on for tonight” Bev asked  
“Well duh, it’s not like I fucking cancelled tonight Bev” Richie sarcastically   
“Well shit Rich” Stan reacted  
“Be at my house at 7 you fuckwads” Richie said as he left to go to his first period, biology. Biology is Richie’s best subject, even though you wouldn’t expect it to be. Richie is always heckling his biological teacher, she’s kicked him out of class multiple times, but he still manages to ace all his test. Richie is a straight A student, but he doesn’t like people knowing it. He likes to be a troublemaker so people don’t realize how smart he actually is.  
Richie enters his biology class, he set his book bag on the floor, and doesn’t hesitate to start messing with his teacher. They’re learning about heredity and Richie doesn’t hesitate to make your mom jokes. His biology teacher gives the class a worksheet. Of course Richie being a fucking genius, he finishes his worksheet in seconds. His teacher took his phone away so he just stared off into space. The classroom began to get warmer, so he took his black bomber jacket off and threw it around his seat. He then takes a glance at his arm.   
“What the hell” he mumbles. He notices little doodles on his arm.   
“When did I do that” he then thinks to himself. His mind goes to confusion, Richies not an artist, he can barley draw a stick figure, why does he have shit like this on his arm. Richie put his jacket back on, he thinks having doodles on his arm will make him look gay, so he tries to keep them covered.   
Class is finally over and he goes to meet up with Bev and Stan so they can head to English together. As they’re waking, they pass Eddie and Bill in the hallway. Richie’s heart begins to spiral out of control. He’s worried that Bev and Stan are going to notice so he says something contradicting.   
“Do you guys think their fucking on the down-low” Richie says  
“Who?” Bev asked.  
“Eddie and Bill” Richie replies .  
“Richie, you can’t say stuff like that” Stan assures him.  
“Why not, they’re just little twinks right?” Richie said “No one cares about little f*gs like them”.   
“Richie you can’t say that” Stan says.   
Richie nods his head. It was hard for him to say things like that. He’s always been told by his birth dad that homosexuality is bad. His dad always told him that if he was gay he would beat the shit out of him until he was straight. Boys are supposed to like girls and girls are supposed to like boys, his father always told him that. It hurt Richie to say those things about Eddie and Bill, but that’s what he thought was socially acceptable.


	3. The Walk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW// Homophobia/Biphobia/Panphobia

Richie was in his last class of the day, waiting for the clock to hit 3:15 and to hear the sound of the bell. Richie always liked going home, but today was different. It wasn’t just because his best friends were coming over for his birthday, it was because he had some shit on his arm and he doesn’t know why it’s there. Richie sat in class counting down the minutes until the bell rang. It felt like forever for Richie, but it rang. He grabbed his book bag, and bolted out of the school. He started his walk home, but walking at a faster pace than normal.  
“Richie!” a voice called out  
“Huh, who the fuck is that” Richie answered  
“Eddie” Eddie said calling back out  
“Fuck” Richie thought to himself. He didn’t know how to feel. Richie liked to keep his distance from Eddie. The farther he was from him, the less he thought about him. At least that’s what Richie forced himself to believe.  
“I didn’t know you walked home” Richie said as Eddie caught up to him.  
“Yeah, you’re normally ahead of me, but you always have your earphones in so I tend to keep my distance” Eddie says smiling. Eddie didn’t know why he was talking to Richie. What if Richie called him a f*g again. Eddie thought he could come to an understanding with Richie, maybe even make him a better person.  
“Yeah, I normally have them, I forgot them today” Richie said in a snarky tone. This is the only time Richie wishes he didn’t forget his earphones. He’d rather be listening to his playlist full of show tunes and 80s music. Even though Richie was extremely self-conscious about his music taste, it always made him feel better. Especially the Dear Evan Hanson soundtrack. Dear Evan Hanson is Richie’s favorite musical. He listened to it during his parents divorce. He’s read the book countless times, and his mom took him to see the play for his fourteenth birthday. Richie always related to Connor. He felt a connection with him. Richie’s love for musical theatre has always been a secret. He’s only told his mom, because his dad said it made you gay.  
“I heard what you said about me and Bill, and just an fyi, were not together” Eddie said  
“Is that all you came to tell me, that you and your twink ass friend aren’t together” Richie snarked.  
“No, I was just letting you know so you don’t start spreading shit that isn’t fucking true” Eddie snapped back, “And for your information, Bill isn’t even gay”.  
“Didn’t he date Mike Hanlon” Richie said in annoyed tone.  
“Bill’s pan dickwad” Eddie snarked.  
“What the fuck does that mean” Richie asked.  
“It means he’s attracted to anyone regardless of their gender” Eddie responded.  
“So bi?” Richie said.  
“No, they are two completely different things” Eddie said angry.  
“It doesn’t matter, they’re both stupid” Richie laughed, “Either be gay or straight, not both”. Richie deeply regretted saying that, but he felt like he had too. Anytime Richie said anything homophobic he wanted to slam his head against a wall.  
“You really are a piece of shit you know that” Eddie said, “and the fact that I was trying to be friends with you”.  
“Friends with me?” Richie thought. He loved and hated the idea of Eddie wanting to be friends with him. Richie hated how this was making him feel.  
“I didn’t want to be friends with a f*ggot like you anyways” Richie said.  
“Good, you’re an asshole, I don’t know how your so fucking popular” Eddie said starting to cry. Eddie didn’t like crying in front of people, especially Richie. Richie calls him many things, he doesn’t want to be seen as a wimp by Richie. Eddie sped up and eventually reached his home. Even though Eddie hated being home, he hated being near Richie more.  
Once Richie got home, he immediately went up to his room. He looked at his arm again. He saw that more drawings were starting to appear. Richie traces the drawings with his finger. He starts to think about his walk with Eddie, and for the first time in a long time, he felt bad about what he said.


	4. You Will Be Found

Richie put his headphones in and started listening to his Dear Evan Hanson soundtrack. The first sound he clicked on was “You Will Be Found”. This song always made him cry, but today it was different. He cried even harder. He listened to the soundtrack for two hours. He was interrupted by his mom coming home.  
“Hi Rich” Maggie said carrying groceries in for Richie’s party tonight.  
“Hey mom” Richie said wiping his tears away. He took a look at the clock.  
“SHIT!” Richie called out. It was almost 5:30. He needed to start getting ready for his party. He put on his favorite hawaiian shirt and a pair of ripped jeans. He puts a jacket on to hide the drawings on his arm. He set up the party land waited for Bev and Stan to arrive. Richie always wanted more friends. Bev and Stan are really his only friends. He wonders why their his friend. Apart of him thinks their just scared of him, but he’s more vulnerable around them. Along with his mom, Bev is the only person who knows about his love of Dear Evan Hanson. She only knows because she say his vinyl of it, along with his One Direction and Harry Styles vinyl. Richie’s a huge Harry stan, but that’s another thing he keeps to himself. Bev and Stan arrive around 6:30, which was expected since they’re always early to everything.  
“Hey” Richie said as Bev and Stan entered his home, “There’s the food, and we’re gonna watch a movie”  
“Is this really how you want to spend your birthday Rich?” Bev asked.  
“With my best friends? Of course” Richie said. “Now come on motherfuckers, we’ve gotta a movie to watch”. The three sat on the couch and began watching Richie’s favorite movie “Perks of Being a Wallflower”. Richie’s favorite movie was actually “Call Me By Your Name”, but that’s another thing he would never admit. As their watch their movie, Riche’s sleeve rolls up. Bev catches eye of it.  
“Richie” Bev says with enlightenment and Stan pauses the movie, “your arm”.  
“Fuck” Richie thinks to himself.  
“It’s so beautiful, I didn’t know you could draw like that” Bev said.  
“I actually didn’t do that, it just appeared there this morning” Richie said in confusion. Bev and Stan look at each other.  
“Soulmate” They said in unison.  
“The fuck you mean soulmate” Richie asked.  
“Your arm” Stan said.  
“What about my arm” Richie asked.  
“Whatever your soulmate writes on their arm, it appears on yours” Stan says “it shows up once you turn sixteen”.  
“So your telling me I have to have this shit on my arm until I meet my soulmate?” Richie said annoyed.  
“Until you kiss them” Bev said.  
“SO I HAVE TO KISS THEM” Richie yelled, “why did my soulmate have to be a fucking arm artist, why couldn’t they just write test answers like a normal person”.  
“Didn’t you learn about this when you were younger?” Stan asked.  
“Yeah, my mom told me, but then my dad was a dick, and they got divorced, and I thought it was myth” Richie replied, “have you gotten anything on your arm Bev?”.  
“Not much, I’ve gotten a few numbers, that’s about it” Bev replied.  
“I just hope she’s hot” Richie says as he sits back down to finish his movie.  
The movie ended and Bev and Stan started to head home. Richie immediately went upstairs and looked through his yearbook. He looked at all the girls he hoped his arm artist was. Apart of him hoped Eddie was his arm artist. Richie didn’t know that part existed. It was apart of his heart he hasn’t reached yet. When he does reach that part, it’s going to be amazing.


	5. Connected

It was now the next day. Richie kept his eye open all day. He studied every girl he saw. He was seeing which female would most likely be his arm artist.  
“Stop staring at girls it makes them uncomfortable” Bev said as she snuck up behind Richie causing him to jump.   
“Geez Bev, could you give me a warning, I almost shit myself” Richie exclaimed.   
“What are you even staring at them for” Bev asked.   
“I’m trying to figure out who my soulmate is” Richie said, “I’m studying them, who most likely be an arm artist” Richie answered.   
“Do you have any leads” Bev asked.   
“Shit Beverly, your making it sound like a fucking crime scene” Richie said sarcastically, “but to answer your question, yes”.   
“Who” Bev asked.   
“Well I’ve lead up to Grace Rivera and Kayley Josephs” Richie answered, “Kayley Josephs is who I hope it is, she’s complete wifey material. She’s hot, can cook, smart, tal-“.  
“How do you think she’s your arm artist” Bev said cutting him off.   
“I was getting there fucker” Richie said annoyingly. “She loves to doodle in her notebook, I’ve seen it in biology. Sometimes she writes things on her arm. Unfortunately she always wears long sleeves so it’s kind of hard to see if she draws in her arm. Her personality definitely resembles someone who draws on their arm.”  
“It seems like you just chose a random bitch and said she was your arm artist” Bev said trying not to laugh.   
“Fuck you too Bev” Richie said pissed off, “I hope it isn’t Grace Rivera. She’s a fucking weirdo. The only reason I feel like it could be her is because I saw her drawing on her arm, and the same time another drawing appeared on my arm. Even though that could’ve been a coincidence.”  
“Well it seems like you’ve got a lot to figure out, good luck” Bev said waking away from Richie as she reached her class.   
Richie walked to his class keeping his eyes peeled, looking for other suspects. The day was finally over. Richie has his daily walk home. This time he remembered his earphones, he didn’t want another awkward conversation with Eddie. Today Richie decided to listen to the euphoria soundtrack. Euphoria is his favorite show. His favorite character is Jules, but he’s says it Cassie. He absolutely loves the soundtrack. It’s makes him calm, relaxed even. That’s why Richie loves music so much. He likes the way it makes him feel, especially musicals. Musicals are the only thing Richie can sit still through. Richie has always been super self-conscious about his ADHD. His dad said it made him weird and a freak. That’s why he loves musicals so much. Being able to sit still trough something, makes Richie feel better about his ADHD.   
When Richie made it home, he immediately threw his backpack down and ran upstairs. He put his Harry Styles album in his record player. The first song that came on was Meet Me in the Hallway. Richie looked at his arm again. It was even fuller than they were this morning. A little sailboat caught his eye. He stared at it for a while. The sailboat made him feel even more connected with his arm artist. It reminded him of when he went boating with his dad. They went boating every weekend. They stopped when his dad became and alcoholic. That was when Richie was 7. Richie hasn’t had a good memory of his dad since then. He misses how his dad used to be. He used to be a great dad, now he’s just an ass. Richie wanted to know who his arm artist was even more. He wondered how he is gonna figure out who his soulmate was.   
“If anything I write on my arm, shows up on my soulmates arm, then I can talk to him through our arms” Richie thought. Richie immediately got up from his bed and searched for a pen. He found his favorite pen, he called his lucky pen. Richie rolled up his sleeves and searched for a empty space in his arms. Once he found one, he wrote a simple hey on his arm to the sound of Sweet Creature playing in the back.


	6. Arm Pals

Eddie sat in his room listening to Troye Sivan and drawing on his notepad. Eddie loved to draw. Drawing was something that kept him in his room. Eddie hated being out of his room, because anywhere else his mom is. He doesn’t like to be around his mom. His mom is super cautious, and it was fine when Eddie was younger, but he’s 16 now. Eddie likes to have his own space, be his own person. He’s also a huge Troye Sivan fan. Troye helped Eddie be comfortable about his sexuality. Especially after Richie teased him about it. Eddie had a huge crush on Richie. It was when he first moved to Derry. He was in Eddie’s english class, and Eddie fell in love right at the sight of him. His black curly hair that was a little poofy, and the way his glasses were slight crooked on his nose, but only enough that you could only see it if you looked hard enough. He was in love with Richie. He later found out that he was a complete ass, and was over him instantly. Sometimes Eddie wishes Richie wasn’t the way he was, they could’ve actually of been great friends. Heaven started playing, and that’s Eddie’s favorite Troye song. He loves it so much he plans on getting a tattoo inspire by the song. The tattoos gonna read “if i’m losing a piece of me, maybe I don’t want heaven”, that’s the lyric that made Eddie finally accept himself. Eddie went to look at his tattoo outline he’s written on his wrists. That’s the only drawing he’s never gotten rid of. He rolls his sleeves up and starts tracing the drawing on his wrist. He does this even time he listens to this song. As he’s tracing, something catches his eye. A “hey” written on his arm pops out to him.   
“What the fuck?” Eddie thinks to himself, “when did I write this”. Eddie has a confused look on his face.   
“THE SOULMATE THING” Eddie says as his eyes widen. Eddie’s mom never told him about soulmates, she would never tell him things that caused him to leave her. She made him feel like he needed her. She wanted him all to herself. Eddie found out about soulmates through Bill. Marks began to appear on Bill’s arms and Eddie asked him what they were. Bill told him it was his soulmate. Of course Eddie was confused, so Bill nicely explained it to him. Since then Eddie’s always left a space on his arm open for his soulmate.   
“I can’t believe this is real” Eddie cried, “I actually have a soulmate”. Eddie was so excited to meet his soulmate, he responded as fast as he could. He wrote hi on his arm, as he didn’t want to confuse his soulmate. Surprisingly, Richie responded fast. What Eddie didn’t know was that Richie was waiting for a response ever since he wrote it. The two boys continued to write back a forth. They eventually exchanged numbers as they ran out of arm space. The boys couldn’t stop talking back and forth. They tried to write their names several times, but soulmate rules prevent name exchanges in any way, unless it’s in person. If someone wrote their name, it’ll disappear, even in texts. They boys eventually fell harder and harder for each other, not knowing their worst enemy was on the other side.


	7. The DNA Project

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW// Alcoholism

It had been several days since Richie started taking to his arm pal. Every time Richie talked to Eddie, he had a little pep in his step. Richie was happy for the first time in his life since he was 7. His dad’s alcoholic problem changed Richie. He hated seeing his dad in that state. That’s when Richie first discovered musicals. When he was 8, he listened to the Adams Family for the first time. His favorite song was Happy/Sad, it expressed his emotions towards his dad’s drinking problem. Sometimes he wonders how life would be if his dad didn’t become an alcoholic, maybe he could love himself a little more. Richie walked into his first period with a huge smile on his face.   
“What are you smiling about” Ben asked as Richie went to take his seat. Ben Hanscom was a friend of Richie, he’s the only person he doesn’t hate in his bio class. To be fair, Richie’s teacher moved him to the front so he doesn’t really know anyone who sits in the back. Ben and Richie have been friend since freshman year, when they shared an English class. Ben and Richie are lab partners. They aren’t best friends however. No one can ever replace Stan and Bev, he trusts them with his life. They’re the only people he actually trusts.   
“Oh nothing” Richie said as he started sitting down.   
“Did you meet a babe?” Ben asked.  
“Kind of” Richie answered.   
“Tell me all about her” Ben said.   
“Well she’s-“ Richie started to say until he was interrupted by his biology teacher entering the class.   
“Ok everyone, today were gonna take notes over mitosis” Richie’s bio teacher said as she walked into class. Richie doesn’t like taking notes, it’s not because he’s lazy, it’s that he doesn’t need them. Richie never needs to take notes, information just flows to him. He takes for his teachers stake. The class finished their notes, and of course Richie understood it before she started teaching it. Every teacher he’s had has always been surprised by how smart he his. The lowest grade he’s ever made was an 89.   
“Now on to our bio projects” Mrs. Harris says.   
“Shit” Richie thought, he completely forgot about that. It wasn’t due or anything, but he had no idea what he gonna do. He was gonna leave that up to Ben. Ben tends to do a lot of projects for Richie, but Richie swears he’ll bet Ben with Bev if he does. Richie’s actually trying to get them together, but Bev isn’t interested in being in a relationship.   
“For this project, I’ve assigned you partners” Mrs. Harris said.   
“Fuck, Fuck, Fuck” Richie began to think. He wasn’t interested with working with anyone but Ben. Mrs. Harris started calling out the partners.   
“Ben Hanscom and Abby Williams” Mrs. Harris called out.   
“Shit” Richie thought. He was now scared shitless. “What I get paired with some fucking moron” Richie thought.   
“Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak” Mrs. Harris yelled.   
The phrase “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me” went through both boys heads. Out of everyone they’ve could’ve gotten paired with. The two boys walked to there designated work station.   
“I didn’t know you were in this class” Richie said.   
“You don’t really know much if it doesn’t involve you” Eddie said in a snarky tone.   
“Well fuck you too then” Richie said even snarkier.  
“Do you have any ideas” Eddie asked.   
“No” Richie answered. Richie normally has ideas. He didn’t today. Even if he didn’t, he probably wouldn’t show it.   
“Of course” Eddie sighed. “What if we were to test fruits and see if they are positive for the GMO gene, and then made two DNA models, one with the GMO gene and one without.”  
“Sure” Richie said.   
“Are you only gonna give me on word answers?” Eddie asked.   
“Maybe” Richie said. Eddie rolled his eyes.   
“What fruit should we do” Eddie asked.   
“Tomatoes” Richie responded.   
“Why a tomato?” Eddie asked.   
“Why, do have something against fucking tomatoes” Richie said.   
“No they’re just not a fruit” Eddie reasoned.   
“Yes they are dickwad” Richie said.   
“Uh no they’re not” Eddie yelled.   
“Scientifically yes, they’re a fruit” Richie said.   
“Nutritional wise, they’re a vegetable, so therefore-“ Eddie replied.   
“God do you ever shut the fuck up” Richie said.   
“We can’t keep fighting over shit like this if we’re gonna work together” Eddie said.   
“Perfect, so I’ll do my half is test for ones without GMO, and make the non-GMO model. Glad this worked out Eds” Richie said.   
“No, what the fuck” Eddie said, “the whole point of this project is to work together. Plus I don’t trust you.”  
“What do you mean you don’t trust me” Richie said angrily.   
“Well it’s just that I don’t know if you know how to test for GMO and make a DNA model” Eddie said.   
“Who says I don’t, and even if I didn’t I could figure it out” Richie declaimed.   
“Well it’s just that-“ Eddie said.   
“You don’t think I’m smart enough do you?” Richie asked.   
“No, No, and I really wish you’d stop interrupting me” Eddie declared.   
“You know what, lets do the project together” Richie demanded, “but don’t expect me to become your best friend or do that gay shit you and your boyfriend Bill do”.   
“Not my boyfriend” Eddie yelled.   
“Guess who gives a shit, not me” Richie yelled back. The two boys started planning out their project. They had everything planned out exactly. Eddie rolled up his jacket sleeves as he felt the classroom get hotter. As soon as he did, his arm caught Richie’s arm. His arm, looked exactly like his. The sailboat, the Heaven lyrics, a little stickman riding a skateboard. Everything that Richie saw one Eddie’s arm was on his. In the exact same place, even the faded hey from the first time Richie reaches out. It took Richie a while to realize what he just discovered. However, the minute he did, his eyes got wider, like he’s seen a ghost.


	8. Words Fail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW// Pills, Anxiety, Depression, Self-Harm, Alcoholism, and Abuse

Richie was blown away by Eddie’s arm.   
“But how, he’s a guy” Richie thought. Richie planned to avoid Eddie even more than he already did. Even though it’s gonna be hard considering that they’re lab partners. Richie continued to stare at Eddie’s arm, as explained the directions.   
“So we’re going to cut open the tomato then, uh Richie, are you okay” Eddie said as Richie flinched.   
“Huh” Richie said as he was reconnected with reality. “It’s just your arm”  
“You know Richie, if all your gonna do is make fun of it, don’t say anything” Eddie said.   
“Actually asshole, I was gonna compliment it, but I guess I’m not anymore” Richie said in a snarky manner.   
“You were?” Eddie asked.   
“Yes, It’s beautiful, the drawings are beautiful” Richie said smiling.   
“Thank you, I like to draw on my arm when I get bored” Eddie responded.   
“Why your arm” Richie asked.   
“I don’t know, I just like the feeling I guess” Eddie said. That wasn’t true, he knew exactly why. It helps Eddie with his anxiety. Whenever he feels like he’s gonna have a panic attack, he draws something symbolic on his arm. It gives him a sense of comfort, and it’s better than self-harm. Eddie has had a very traumatic past with self-harm. He blames it on his mom, which isn’t such a shallow thing. Eddie takes anxiety pills, but they cancel out from all the other pills Sonia makes him take. He switched his medication due to his pills giving him symptoms of depression, which is when his self-harm started. His therapist recommended that he should draw on his arm. Once he started doing that, he hasn’t self harmed since. He wouldn’t tell Richie that because for starters it’s personal. He hasn’t told anyone about his history of self-harm. Not even Bill, who’s his best friend. He’s also afraid the Richie would make fun of him. He’s not making fun of him right now, but he might. Richie’s always unpredictable, Eddie wonders how he’s ever had a crush on him.   
“Well they look nice” Richie said.   
“This is nicest you’ve ever been to me” Eddie said.   
“Yeah, don’t mention it Kaspbrak” Richie said in a serious tone.   
“What you don’t want people to know that Mr. Richie Tozier is actually a softie” Eddie said sarcastically.   
“Eddie I swear to fucking god if you tell a single tone” Richie said, scaring Eddie.   
“And you’re back” Eddie said as the two boys started working on their project. Eventually the day was over. Richie was never more ready to go home. He wanted to avoid Eddie at all costs. If he avoided him, then maybe his soulmate would change. Unfortunately, that’s not how it worked, but that’s what Richie wanted to believe. Today’s walk home was even longer. Richie went an alternate path so he didn’t have to see Eddie’s house, or have a conversation with Eddie. Richie never wanted to get his licenses more. Maggie wouldn’t let him though. Maggie was extremely overprotective. Which makes sense, considering she doesn’t want Richie to go through the trauma he went through with his dad. She wants him to be safe, it’s apart of her guilt for letting her son go through that trauma. She won’t let him get his licenses, she’s scared somethings gonna happen. Richie tells her why it’s safer to drive than walk everywhere, but she still doesn’t listen. After 30 minutes Richie finally made it home. It normally takes him 10 minutes. The minute he got home, Richie ran upstairs. He slammed his door open and started to destroy his room. He felt like he wasn’t himself anymore. The fact that his soulmate was a boy. He took everything down, till the walls were stripped clean. The only thing he had left was his Dear Evan Hansen vinyl. That’s the only thing that made him feel like himself. He put it in his record player and played Words Fail. As the song started playing Richie sat in the corner and started to cry. He’s never related to a song more that this one. He thought to himself “Is this really who I am, it can’t be”. He continued to find a meaning behind the matching arms between him and Eddie. Richie kept his arm hidden, not just because he didn’t want people to know about it. It was because he didn’t want himself to know who he really was. He sat in is corner with his stripped walls for a while. Suddenly, For Forever started playing. This song reminded him of his dad, before he got addicted to alcohol and ruined their relationship.   
“My dad” Richie thought. “I know he’s a horrible person but maybe he can help me”. Richie couldn’t believe he was saying this. If he finds out Richie’s soulmate is a guy, he might hit him again. Richie didn’t know what to do, so he decided to call his dad. He knows his dad is doing better. He hasn’t talked to his dad much since his parents divorce. His dad has sent him birthday and christmas cards every year. He’s talked to him on the phone, but he hasn’t in a few years, since he went to rehab. Richie picked up the phone and dialed his dads number. He listened to the ringing of his dad’s phone on the other side. Finally he heard a voice go answer.   
“Hello” Richie’s dad answered.   
“Hey Wentworth, it’s me Rich, your son” Richie responded.


	9. Belfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// Past Abuse and Addictions 
> 
> -this ones a little lengthy, but it’s probably the most important/emotional chapter i’ve written.

There was a long pause on the phone. Richie was scared his dad forgot about him.   
“He couldn’t have, I’m his son” Richie thought. Finally, a voice was heard through the phone.   
“Oh, hey Rich” Wentworth said, “why are  
you calling me”.   
“I wanna come see you” Richie said.   
“Rich, I would love to see you” Wentworth stated, “but you can’t”.   
“I know the court ordered mom full custody, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still see you” Richie begged.   
“Why do you even wanna see me anyways” Wentworth asked.   
“I need to talk” Richie answered.   
“Ok, I guess you can come” Wentworth said, “just don’t tell your mom”  
“Trust me, I won’t” Richie laughed.   
“Are you sure you can visit me without telling your mother?” Wentworth asked.  
“I’ll lie to her, say i’m going to a friends house” Richie answered.   
“Are you comfortable lying to her” Wentworth asked.  
“Yeah” Richie laughed, “It wouldn’t be the first time”  
“You really are my son” Wentworth joked.   
“Can I come tonight?” Richie asked, “at 6”.   
“Of course” Wentworth replied. The exchange their goodbyes, and the Richie hung up the phone. Richie couldn’t believe he was doing this. Seeing his dad, that was a huge thing. He hasn’t seen him in almost 6 years. Richie mentally prepared himself, his dad is the biggest asshole he’s ever met. The fact that he’s going to see him willingly, made no sense to Richie. Richie decided to get dressed He wanted to dress in a way that wouldn’t make his dad hit him. He didn’t know if his dad was still like that, but he wanted to be safe. He put on a pair of pants and a hoodie with longer sleeves to make sure his arms were covered up. The fact that Richie was dressing so that he didn’t get hit, yet he was going to talk about Eddie. Apart of him wished he didn’t agree to this. It was time to leave, he told his mom bye and told Stan about the plan. Of course, Stan tried to talk him out of it, many times. Richie didn’t budge. Richie rode his bike down to the bus stop and took it with him on the bus. His dad lived in Belfast, which was an hour from Derry, so he took the metro. The entire ride there he thought about what he was actually doing.   
“I’m actually going to see my dad” he thought. The ride was short, but it felt like hours. He got  
off the bus, and rode his bus down to his dads house. Once he got there, he took a deep breath in, and contemplated what he was doing. He walked up to his dad’s door as slow as he possibly could. Once he made it to the door he stood there for a few minutes. He eventually knocked, once he did though, he felt like running the other direction. Before he could, his dad opened the door.   
“Hey” his dad said as he opened the door.   
“Hey” Richie responded, “can I come in?”  
“Yeah” Wentworth said as his son walked in.  
“Sorry about the place, I didn’t have time to clean it up” Wentworth said.   
“It’s fine” Richie said, “this is where you live huh”.   
“Yeah, It’s all I could afford after rehab” Wentworth answered. The house was extremely run down. It was one story and only  
had 4 rooms. A kitchen, a bedroom, a bathroom, and a living room. Wentworth was the only one who lived there. He didn’t figure he needed much space.  
“I wish it was nicer, but my job doesn’t offer much” Wentworth said.   
“It’s hard to find a good paying job when you’re an ex-rehab patient, and have a criminal record of abuse” he sighed, “sorry about that by the way, you know hitting you”. That made Richie’s chest feel ten times lighter. Maybe his dad really did change, maybe he wasn’t so bad anymore.   
“Why did you even hit me in the first place” Richie asked.   
“The alcohol, it made me batshit crazy” Wentworth laughed, “but I’m better now, I promise”. Richie smiled.   
“Do you have water, the ride here was long, and I’m parched” Richie asked.   
“Yeah, in the kitchen” Wentworth answered, “happy late birthday by the way”.   
“I was gonna give you this card, but I was waiting for my next party, so I could’ve sent you some money” Wentworth said. “I guess I’ll just give you the money later”   
“No, you don’t have to” Richie insisted, “use the money for yourself”.   
“No, no, I’m sending you money Rich, it’s the least I can do” Wentworth responded. “So what did you want to talk about”. Richie’s eyes widened, he forgot about his whole purpose for coming down here.   
“Oh yeah, you know that soulmate thing, where whatever they write on you-“ Richie said before he was interrupted.   
“Yes, that soulmate shit is just a load of bull” Wentworth said. “But what about it, did you finally meet your special lady”.   
“Well actually, that is what it’s about” Richie said.   
“Tell me all about her Rich” Wentworth said.   
“Well actually-“ Richie said as an empty beer bottle caught his eye. It couldn’t be his dads Richie told himself. He’s sober, he’s changed.   
“What the hell” Richie mumbled.   
“What’s wrong Rich” Wentworth asked.   
“What the hell is this” Richie said as he came out holding an empty beer bottle.   
“Rich-“ Wentworth called out.   
“How many did you have” Richie asked. His dad sat there in silence. “Goddamnit dad, I asked how many did you fucking have” Richie yelled”  
“Three” Wentworth mumbled. To be fair, it better than it used to be. It used to be a pack a day, so he was making progress. That didn’t help how mad Richie was.   
“You told me you were sober” Richie said. “I can’t believe that you start drinking again. After all the fucking trauma you put mom and I trough”   
“Rich” Wentworth called out.   
“I can’t believe I actually thought you changed” Richie said as he grabbed his coat and walked out the door, slamming it behind him. He got on his bike and rode to the metro station. On his way he gabbed his phone and called Stan.   
“Hey Stan, I’m coming over tonight” Richie said.   
“Wait Rich what’s wrong” Stan asked. Richie hung up before he could answer. Richie made it back to Derry and rode his bike to Stan’s house. He knocked on the door. Richie has tears in his eyes. As soon as Stan answered, he immediately fell into a tight embrace with Stan. He’s never been this vulnerable before. Stan didn’t bother to ask questions, he just let his best friend have a shoulder to cry on.


	10. So Big/So Small

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW// Past Abuse, Depression, Alcoholism

Richie continued to cry into Stans arm for what felt like hours. Stan let him cry, he didn’t interrogate him. He knew Richie would speak when he was ready. Richie stood there in a tight embrace with his best friend.

“My d-d-dad” Richie mumbled as he grabbed onto Stan even harder.

“What about your dad Rich” Stan asked.

“He’s drinking again” Richie replied, “I trusted him”.

“I’m so sorry” Stan said as he squeezed Richie even harder. They were hugging so tight it became hard to breath. Stan called Bev once he heard Richie was coming. She eventually made it to his house. By that time Stan managed to bring Richie to to corner. She ran to corner and joined Stan in hugging Richie.

“What happened” Bev asked.

“His dads drinking again” Stan mumbled. He knew Richie wasn’t stable enough to repeat it. The three sat in the corner for what felt like hours. Richie then, was eventually stable. They started asking him questions. They knew the shouldn’t of, but they were curious.

“Why did you go see your dad anyways” Bev asked.

“It was about my soulmate” Richie said.

“Look, just because your parents didn’t work, it doesn’t mean that-“ Bev said be she was interrupted.

“No, I figured out who it is” Richie said. Bev and Stan’s eyes popped out in shock. “It’s Eddie Kaspbrak” Richie mumbled in embarrassment. Bev and Stan looked at each other in disbelief.

“He’s my lab partner for biology. His sleeve rolled up and his arm matched mine” Richie mumbled. 

“Maybe it’s just a coincidence” Stan said.

“That’s what I thought, but he has the heys” Richie replied.

“So you saw your dad, so he could beat you?” Bev asked. Richie modded his head.

“Rich, that’s extremely dangerous, I can’t believe you did that” Stan replied.

“I was scared. It didn’t know what to do. You guys know what happened when I was eleven, why I moved down here in the first place. It seemed like a good idea” Richie said.

“Yeah” Stan said softly. Bev and Stan ran up to their best friend and squeezed him tighter than ever. It was now the next day. Richie was in first period, the last place he wanted to be. They worked in groups on their project. He refused to look at Eddie. If he didn’t look at him, he wouldn’t feel as bad.

“Did I do something?” Eddie asked.

“Oh no, I’m just a little tired” Richie lied.

“Okay” Eddie mumbled.

“Are we still on for tonight, at your place, to work on project”.

“Why the hell does it have to be at my house” Richie yelled.

“Because I don’t want to be home, that’s why” Eddie said.

“Fine” Richie said. Richie avoided Eddie all day. He took the long route home as well. Once he got home, their was a envelope with his name on it. He opened it, and it was the card his dad got him for his birthday. Richie didn’t know if he should rip it apart, or open it. He stared at it for a long time. Richie took the card upstairs and, of course, put in his Dear Evan Hansen vinyl. So Big/So Small started playing, which was a coincidence. When Richie first listened to the soundtrack, this was the song that sold him the musical. It reminded him of when his dad left. Richie sat in his corner as he opened the card from his dad. It had a note on it. That note wasn’t there when Richie visited his dad yesterday. Wentworth wrote it after he left, as an apology. Richie started reading the card.

_Dear Rich,_

_I want you to know how sorry I am. I shouldn’t of lied, but I was scared of losing you again. Believe it or not, I was actually doing good. I had a four year streak of being sober. I did it for you, I regret how much I hurt you Rich._ Richie started crying. He knew his dad had changed. He wanted to forgive him more than ever, but it was hard.

 _The minute I lost you, I realized what I did. I know, that’s bad, and I wish I knew it way sooner. Words can not describe how bad I feel. I shouldn’t of hit you. I saw that you still have the scar. I tried so hard to change. I went to rehab for four years, and attend many AA meetings. I still have my four year sober token. I cherish that like my child_. Richie began to cry even harder. His dad really was trying to change for him.

 _I had a really bad day one day. It was a few months after I got out of rehab. I was unemployed and extremely depressed. I went to a bar, which was my own mistake, and had a little whiskey. After that, it started back up._ _I’ve gotten better at controlling it, but I plan on going back to rehab, for you Rich. When I get back out, I’ll let you know. Maybe you can talk to me about your soulmate then. I just hope she (or he) treats you right. It’s what you deserve Rich. Happy late sixteenth birthday kid, hope you get farther than I have. With Love, Wentworth._ Richie was a mess now. He was drowning in his own tears. He sat there crying. Suddenly, he heard a knock on the door. “Hey Richie, it’s Eddie” Eddie said through the door. Eddie opened the door, and he saw Richie in his most vulnerable form.


	11. Soulmates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW/ Mention of Alcoholism, Abuse, Anxiety, and Panic Attacks

Eddie walked into Richie’s room. He saw him curled up in the corner with tears running down Richie’s eyes like a river. Eddie’s never seen Richie vulnerable, it shocked him to see him in this state. He heard So Big/So Small playing in the background and saw Richie holding a card. He wanted to comfort him but he didn’t want to make Richie embarrassed. He stood there just staring at Richie until Richie saw him.   
“What the hell are you doing here” Richie said as he got up and started wiping his tears away.   
“We have a project to work on, don’t you remember” Eddie said as he sat his book bag down.   
“Shit” Richie mumbled. “Have you ever heard of a knock” Richie said as he went to turn his record player off.   
“I did knock, twice actually” Eddie said, “you just didn’t hear me”.   
“Oh” Richie sighed embarrassed.   
“We should start working on our project” Eddie said getting his textbook.   
“Yeah” Richie said. Eddie started explaining what he’s done so far, but all Richie could focus on was on how Eddie saw him like that. His best friends have barley seen him like that, now Eddie. Eddie hated him, what if he made fun of him. Richie didn’t comprehend anything Eddie was saying at all.   
“And that makes it positive” Eddie said as he finished explaining.   
“Just like your moms chlamydia results” Richie said as he tried to pretend like he was listening.   
“Richie if you’re gonna be an ass, I’m going home” Eddie said annoyed. Richie rolled his eyes. The boys continued to work on their project. Richie’s sleeve rolled up on accident and Eddie got a glimpses of it.   
“Holy shit” Eddie said, “you’re arm”.   
“Fuck” Richie mumbled.   
“There’s no way” Eddie said as he took Richie’s arm and matched it to his. “You’re my soulmate”. Eddie looked at Richie in shock. Eddie was in shock, there’s no way Richie is his soulmate.   
“Yeah and I swear on your life Kaspbrak, if you say anything, I fucking ruin your life little bitch” Richie said.   
“Chill, I’m not gonna tell anyone” Eddie laughed. “I’m just shocked, that’s all”.   
“Yeah, I was too” Richie said, “I even went to see my dad and hoped he would beat me”.   
“Really?” Eddie asked.   
“Yeah, he was crazy homophobic” Richie said, “that’s why I’m the way I am”.   
“I’m so sorry Rich” Eddie said.   
“When I found out that you were my soulmate, I went to visit him” Richie said.   
“What happened?” Eddie asked.   
“I found out he was drinking again” Richie said trying to hold in the tears, “I got upset and left, I was disappointed in him”.   
“You’re dad was a drinker?” Eddie asked.   
“Yeah, he became an alcoholic when I was seven” Richie said. “I’ve never seen him without a drink in his hand once he started”.   
“Was that who the card was from?” Eddie asked.   
“Yeah, he wrote me a note, and he really has changed” Richie answered.   
“If you don’t mind me asking, how was you’re dad homophobic” Eddie said.   
“Well, when I was eleven, my best friend Stan and I were hanging out in my backyard” Richie said. “We were just playing and having a blast, then I kissed him. It felt good, but unfortunately my dad saw. He ran outside and made Stan go home. He then took me inside and then beat me while he yelled at me. He threatened to send me to camp, but my mom told him not too. My mom walked in and soon after that, my parents got a divorce. Then my mom and I moved, and eventually Stan joined us”.   
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that Rich” Eddie said.   
“It was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced” Richie said.   
“Yeah I bet it was” Eddie said. “You know, I don’t have my dad around either”.   
“Really?” Richie said.   
“Yeah” Eddie said. “He left when I was little, because my mom is some twisted fuck. When he left I was stuck with my mom, and I developed some really bad anxiety. That’s why I draw on my arm, it helps with my anxiety. Whenever I have a panic attack I pull out a pen and draw on my arm, it helps me focus.”  
“Wow, looks like you must have a lot” Richie said.   
“Yep, a lot” Eddie said. “You know, I’ve never shared that with anyone. I’ve always been to embarrassed by it”.   
“What’s there to be embarrassed about, I think it’s cute” Richie said.   
“Really” Eddie said smiling.   
“Yes” Richie said smiling back. The two boys stared into each other’s eyes for what felt like forever. Richie looked at Eddie’s lips, and started to lean in. Eddie saw what Richie was doing. He started to lean in to. The two boys were so close to locking lips. Maggie then knocked on the door and Richie jumped.  
“Yes Mom” Richie said.   
“Eddie your moms here” Maggie said opening the door slightly.   
“Shit” Eddie said quietly. “Tell her I‘ll be there soon”.  
“Okay” Maggie said closing the door.   
“Well, I guess you gotta go” Richie said.   
“Guess I do” Eddie laughed.   
“Hey, thanks for letting me open up to you, it means a lot.” Richie said as he helped Eddie pack up.   
“No problem, I never knew that you went through that” Eddie said putting his book bag on. Richie ran over to him and gave him a hug. Eddie held Richie in a tight embrace for a little bit. Then Eddie left. Richie watched Eddie as he walked out the door. For the first time, he actually knew what he was feeling, and that feeling was great.


End file.
